The Zoomies
Sudden, unprovoked velocity. Nightly at approximately 9:47 p.m.
- Severity
- Chronic
- Onset
- After baths, before bed, and whenever the floor is most slippery.
- Prognosis
- Self-resolving in 90 seconds. Recurs tomorrow.
- Reports on file
- 40,318
Section 1 · Presenting symptoms
- 1.1Ears pinned flat, rear tucked, eyes wild
- 1.2Laps of the living room at a speed the legs should not permit
- 1.3Drifting on hardwood, corners taken on two paws
- 1.4Brief pause to look at you, then a second lap
- 1.5Abrupt stop, collapse, and immediate sleep
Section 2 · Investigator's field note
Formally, Frenetic Random Activity Periods. Informally, the zoomies. The corgi accumulates energy during the day like a capacitor and discharges it all at once, usually at the moment you sit down. The Bureau has confirmed that this cannot be scheduled, prevented, or explained to a landlord.
Section 4 · Corroboration
Is this your household?
Add your report to the record. The Bureau counts each household once and believes you.
40,318 households affected