corgiproblemsBureau of Corgi Affairs
← RegistryCP-003Behavioral

Selective Hearing

Hears a cheese wrapper from three rooms away. Cannot hear its name from three feet.

Severe
Severity
Severe
Onset
Immediately after the first successful recall, which was a fluke.
Prognosis
Chronic. Responds to snacks.
Reports on file
41,902

Section 1 · Presenting symptoms

  1. 1.1Ears rotate toward the refrigerator independently of the head
  2. 1.2The word 'come' is processed as a suggestion
  3. 1.3The word 'treat' is processed at the speed of light
  4. 1.4Direct eye contact followed by a slow, deliberate walk in the other direction
  5. 1.5Recall works perfectly in front of the trainer and nowhere else

Section 2 · Investigator's field note

Corgis were bred to make independent decisions about cattle while a human shouted at them from a distance. This has not worn off. The subject's hearing is medically perfect. Its listening is a separate matter, governed by an internal cost-benefit analysis in which you rarely win. The Bureau recommends never issuing a command you are not prepared to lose.

Section 4 · Corroboration

Is this your household?

Add your report to the record. The Bureau counts each household once and believes you.

41,902 households affected

Section 6 · Cross-referenced cases

CP-012Behavioral

The Stubborn Stop

Mid-walk, the corgi has become a paperweight.

Chronic
31,205 reports
CP-013Emotional

The Sass

Argumentative vocalizations upon receiving instruction.

Manageable
33,470 reports
CP-007Behavioral

Food Motivation, Extreme

Will sell you to a stranger for a single kibble.

Severe
44,012 reports