The Vacuum and the Storm
Two enemies. One of them you own.
- Severity
- Chronic
- Onset
- First thunderclap, or first time the vacuum came out of the closet.
- Prognosis
- Manageable with pressure, patience, and a closed closet door.
- Reports on file
- 21,390
Section 1 · Presenting symptoms
- 1.1Trembling, pacing, and attempts to fit under furniture it does not fit under
- 1.2Barking at the vacuum as a matter of principle, then hiding from it
- 1.3Locating the smallest room in the house and occupying it
- 1.4Pressing into your legs during fireworks with a look of betrayal
- 1.5Reluctant tolerance of the vacuum only when it is clearly losing to the fur
Section 2 · Investigator's field note
For all its confidence, the corgi has two known weaknesses: loud weather and the machine that eats its fur. The Bureau notes that these fears are real and deserve patience rather than mockery, which is why this entry contains almost no jokes. A gentle-pressure vest, a quiet room, and a person who stays put can make a bad night a fine one.
Section 4 · Corroboration
Is this your household?
Add your report to the record. The Bureau counts each household once and believes you.
21,390 households affected